play pretend
by shugotenshii
Summary: First loves were the hardest to shake off. suzashirley. onesided shirleylulu. for the cgkinkmeme.


**Because I got bored and went to look at the cg kink meme on LJ and thought this was interesting. hetero sex, wtf. maybe i killed all the typos this time too lol.**

x.x.x

In all honesty, Shirley really liked Suzaku. They shared quite a few common interests, and the boy was incredibly easy on the eyes, with toned muscles under tan skin and warm, friendly green eyes. She especially liked to watch him during Swimming Class, how he sliced through the water with more ease than anyone on the swim team combined. It was easy to watch him instead of Lelouch, because all Lelouch ever did was sit out on the bench with his arms folded primly over his chest, flinching every time Suzaku splashed him with water.

_Suzaku was the perfect distraction._

She liked him enough to convince Milly to let him join the Student Council from the get go. She remembered thinking that he looked a little like a lost puppy before becoming a part of their little group. She liked him enough that she noticed the way he would sometimes stare at Lelouch from the other side of the room, with the same look that had passed her face many time before. Maybe that was the one commonality out of all of them that really made her want to be around him more.

Perhaps one of the more distinguishing differences between them was that Suzaku moved on. He seemed to accept the fact that he wouldn't have a chance with Lelouch. Shirley began to notice that when she kind of sort of flirted with him, he would kind of sort of flirt back. And she liked it. She liked the feeling of being noticed, as opposed to being ignored. Flirting with Lelouch hadn't _nearly_ yielded the same results. Putting the moves on a wall was probably easier than trying the same on the raven.

Maybe it was the silly, girlish thrill of being recognized that did it. Maybe it was because she thought she liked Suzaku enough that she said yes when he asked her out.

Suzaku was nothing like Lelouch. At school, he was calm, attentive, serious, not willing to miss a single second of class because of the days that work robbed from him. Lelouch, on the other hand, slept quite soundly beside him, head tilted towards the window. Around her, he was playful and teasing and thoughtful and all around adorable. She liked the way he would sneak her kisses when she least expected it. She liked the way he leaned into her when she came up behind him and slipped her arms around his neck. She liked how he grinned so easily, how he got excited, how he didn't just brush things off with a wave of his hand and a flick of his fringe.

Still... she couldn't help but think about Lelouch. He _was_ her first love, after all, and first loves were the hardest to shake off.

Who had said that? Wasn't it Poe?

She didn't know what she was doing. She didn't know why she thought she could shake Lelouch off with a boy that she only _thought_ she liked enough. In truth, as more days passed, the more she found herself thinking what a relationship with Lelouch would be like. How would he act with her? Would he show her his rare dazzling smiles that would be for her eyes only? If she came up behind him, would he lean into her and close his eyes? If she kissed him, would he cup her jaw and laugh softly against her lips? Everything Suzaku did, she began to warp it and try to imagine what it would be like with Lelouch.

She still hadn't let go. She wondered if Suzaku noticed. After all, she had _told_ Suzaku some time ago that she had a crush on his best friend.

The first time they had sex, Shirley asked Suzaku if they could turn the lights off. He cocked his head adorably to the side and complied with her request because in the dark, she'd be able to do it. She'd be able to give herself to him without worrying too much.

In the dark, she could pretend.

She could pretend that the calloused fingertips tracing lines over her body were soft and delicate and that the skin was paler than ivory instead of sunkissed. She could pretend that the thick curls she clutched in her fingers when Suzaku lowered his head between her legs were silken ebony. She could pretend that the tongue that stroked her until she was rocking her hips was sharp and quick-witted instead of gentle and a little naive.

In the dark, she could ignore.

She ignored the hard lines of muscle when Suzaku leaned up and stretched out against her, trailing kisses up her belly, between her breasts and along the line of her neck. She ignored the way his broad shoulders felt under her hands when he gently spread her legs apart and nudged his cock forward.

Shirley bit her lip and let her head fall back, hair framing her head in an orange halo.

Despite all of this, she couldn't ignore the way he felt inside her. It stung a little at first, even hurt a little, but Suzaku, fucking too good for everyone, too fucking nice to everyone _Suzaku_ was patient. He knew how to make a girl feel good. Shirley couldn't deny that. Not with the way her hips shuddered to meet his when he developed a rhythm, not when he slid an arm around her waist and angled her hips, making her cry out brokenly in white-hot pleasure, not when his free hand ghosted over her breasts, making goosebumps rise on her skin, not when he-he-

"_A-ahhn..."_

-kept hitting-

"R-right there... _o-oh _god, _please..."_

-that _one_ spot-

"Ha_ah_..."

-or when his hand fluttered back down between her legs again, thumb rubbing against her clit in time with his thrust and _fuck_ she couldn't even think about Lelouch anymore, let alone Suzaku, just about the way it felt so _so_ damn good that she didn't even hear Suzaku moan her name when she tightened in sporadic bursts around his cock. She just prayed to God that she hadn't screamed out Lelouch's name.

When Shirley finally came around again, she found herself pressed against a hot chest, a pair of strong arms wrapped tightly around her waist.

Suzaku asked if she was okay and Shirley could only nod and peck his collarbone, managing a shaky, sated smile when he laughed against her temple. She didn't even know if Suzaku had come but she assumed he must have because he sat up and leaned over her to toss away the used condom. All she could think about was Lelouch again. It was only until Suzaku had fallen asleep that Shirley let the guilt coil around, let it snake tightly around her throat because Suzaku had whispered _I love you_ and she kind of sort of mumbled something back, but he was already drifting off, so it didn't really matter what she had said, right? Shirley sighed softly and pressed her face into Suzaku's chestnut curls, trying to fall asleep.

It was like that every time.

He would kiss her and she would kiss him back, and they'd both stumble into the bed with soft giggles and he would fuck her and she would pretend it was Lelouch.

it didn't hit her until months later that maybe suzaku had been pretending the entire time too.

x.x.x

**Well.**

**That was. Um.**

**Yeah lol. Fun to write. **

**(But man, I've been inactive on FF lately... been hanging around LJ and dA more, to be honest c:)**


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